Mind Fiasco

I forgot what it’s like to write. I have been watching The Bold Type on Netflix and the characters just made me think about the creative me, the unstoppable, motivated and goal driven Kate, that I miss.

Past Kate would ace her exams and tick every item on her to do list. She wouldn’t try sleeping if she knows that her work is still imperfect. She is a perfectionist and she is passionate sometimes to her own demise. I wish I could still find her. I wish I am her. But now that I am getting older, I feel like I am an entirely different person.

I struggle to get out of bed and accomplish tasks. I get late, I can’t study. I feel like a total failure. Who am I now? Is this what my patients deserve? Am I worthy of being called a Doctor?

I just finished my surgery rotation, and there are a million things that I would want to write about. There are so many stories that I want to tell. My mind is in chaos and my body is tired. But my heart knows that I am in the right place.

Whenever I meet and take care of patients, I feel that certain peace, the feeling that, “This is it Kate, you are right where you are supposed to be.”

I will do my best to declutter. I have to clear my thoughts, and just focus on the next right step. What better way to do it than to write. I will be okay. I should stop being hard on myself.