How I Passed the PLE (Mortals Edition)

I have never considered myself as a genius but I know that whenever I want something, I work hard. I am relentless when it comes to my dreams and passion. I guess that is the innate quality that I do have which helped me pass the board exam. I promised myself that when I become a doctor, I will pay it forward so let me share how I prepared for the October 2023 Physician Licensure Examination.

My preparation started two years prior PLE. It was during clerkship. I know that as an average medical student, I had to work extra hard in order to pass PLE on my first try. My medical school has Problem Based Learnig Style, meaning we digest cases every week, hence we didn’t have the traditional structured format unlike other medical schools. There were so many pressures. Sponsors funded my education so I had to deliver. I was born in poverty and I don’t have parents to lean on. My siblings though, worked hard to help me out. I don’t have a choice. Failure was sadly not an option for me. That was my mindset.

1. During Clerkship: Topnotch Genesis

I enrolled to Topnotch Genesis as a clerk since I felt like I needed organization. I needed organized handouts since our curriculum was PBL (Problem Based Learning). Going back to mother books was time consuming for a clerk, so might as well enroll in a program that has the structure that I needed. It wasn’t easy though to attend the lectures while in face to face clerkship so to be honest I wasn’t able to attend 50% of the lectures. However, it was helpful for me because I was able to go through all the subjects. As early as clerkship, I had an idea of what the PLE will be like. Boy, did I realize how much I don’t know. I had to work harder than I ever did before. Genesis also helped me pass my written revalida so it was a relief because I didn’t have to do oral revalida anymore. Again, thank you Topnotch Genesis.

2. Clerkship and Internship: Study your cases

During junior and senior internship, I knew that this was my chance to understand diseases and know how to treat them. It was hard for a non allied health premed to absorb the initial shock of working in the hospital. Surgery was my first clinical rotation, so just imagine how much skills I was supposed to know already, but sadly had none. Third year was fully online so we didn’t have face to face workshops on doing procedures. I had to improvise and be resourceful, Youtube was my bestfriend. Fake it till you make it as they say. I enjoyed understanding cases, and since I am a toxicity magnet, I got to see amazing cases. Those cases were marked by my brain hence during boards, I can see the flashback of my patients. I remembered the meds we gave, the management, how a patient detoriorated, what meds made them recover. I know that clerkship and internship especially in public hospitals is extra hard, but it actually exposed me to tons of cases which I remembered vividly during the exam. When I have time, I go back to the mother books. This type of learning is very much effective.

3. Internship: Listened to Expert MD lectures on idle time

I decided to enroll to Expert MD during internship so that I could still have structure. I am a big fan of structure guys. Since the duty hours were less, there was more time to study compared to clerkship but it was still a challenge especially when you’re in heavy rotations. What I did was during errands, I listened to lectures. When I was doing laundry, cleaning, or anytime that I was waiting, I would l put my earphones on and play lectures on my specific rotation. As an auditory learner, I enjoyed this. I also liked hitting two birds with one stone. Again, I didn’t get to attend all lectures because I was rotating in a public hospital so I still bring work at home. Sometimes I would really get frustrated because I am too exhausted to study but I just put in my mind that as long as I am doing my best, that is already enough.

4. Review Season: Goodbye social media.

It was now or never. I had to suffer now and enjoy the rewards later or enjoy now then regret later. I chose to suffer haha. I lived like a hermit for three months. I deactivated everything, Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, and 2 weeks before boards I was using my boyfriend’s phone when I need to log in. I basically threw away my social life. Grind grind grind. When I pass, I’ll have plenty of time for socialization and scrolling but now, is not the time. I went on full blown hyperfocus mode. Eliminating all these distractions saved me loads of time,

5. Listened to my body

Since I was on hyperfocus ultra sympathetic mode, I even found it hard to sleep and rest. I had so much anxiety when I couldn’t finish a handout, so I did all nighters. This unhealthy way of studying backfired to me. I got sick twice, and was even admitted two weeks before boards. I was at my worst physical and mental state. So I decided when I got admitted that being too hard on myself was not working. At that moment, I might not make it to PLE since I was sick. I decided to relax . I slept when I’m tired, I ate when I’m hungry, my boyfriend would drive and we’d have quick nature trips every 4 PM. I didn’t care about not catching up with my review center’s schedule. I just studied what I can with the energy that I had. My brain liked this way of learning, I could understand the concepts clearly and it worked like magic.

6. Have a strong support system

The cerebral part of taking the boards, that I took care of, but for the rest, I credit it to my partner. He was just there for me every step of the way. I feel like crying when I remember how much he has motivated and supported me in all the ways that he can. He did everything for me so that I could focus on studying. He made me coffee every morning, we jogged, he printed all my handouts a night before I need to use them. He took care of the laundry, went with me to file for the boards, took care of me at the hospital, and he didn’t give up on me when I just didn’t want to proceed with the exam anymore. He arranged everything, prepared all my meals for the four days and he would pick me up from the testing center. It was almost three months of his life all focused on achieving our goal. There were times when I was crying every night and having someone who listens and comforts you is such a gift. He is simply the best. I decided to proceed because there’s this person who will never give up on me no matter what. I couldn’t fail him.

7. Have a friend who’s experiencing the same thing as you and be each other’s support system.

I had two close friends that I talk to during the review season. Talking to them made me feel validated. I knew that I’m not alone in the struggles. Sometimes Shana (Yes iname drop kita) and I would meet up and call each other when everything’s just extra scary and confusing. This woman has so much grit (4.5 using Angela Duckworth’s grit scale) that it rubs on me. I am so grateful to have these wonderful friends in my life.

8. Practice Tests

Initially, I tried to adjust my learning style with what the review center has set, but to be honest, Practice tests got me through the review. I was able to reinforce what I was learning. I initially read the handouts and watched lectures simultaneously. Afterwards, I had a second read, then did practice tests. In some subjects I was not able to do a second read but it’s okay. I just kept on doing what I can. Medicine has a very broad knowledge base so you really have to prioritize. My midterms score was my basis for knowing my strengths and weaknesses. I focused on my weaknesses since you can’t get a score of less than 50% in any subject. Your high scores in other subjects won’t matter if you get just one failing score in any of the twelve subjects. So just keep on answering practice tests.

9. Flashcards

Since Topnotch had flashcards which was based on previous PLE, this became my lifesaver especially one week before boards. I registered on Quizlet Premium and kept on answering flashcards, every moment that I could squeeze it in. It was very effective for me, especially on the subjects that I couldn’t focus on anymore. Again, thank you Topnotch!

10. Let it go.

This is a very important component of my strategy during PLE season. Just like in any aspect of our lives, we have to learn to let go of the outcome. As long as you absolutely know that you did your best, the outcome doesn’t matter anymore. I remember that whenever I would hit roadblocks in medical school, when I can’t understand the material I’m reading and there’s an upcoming exam, I run by this mantra, “My love of learning is way greater than my fear of failing.” And if ever I fail, it’s okay, because at the end of the day, what matters is who I have become along the process of studying medicine. Medicine is my art, it’s my craft, and neither success nor failure, could change my excitement whenever I get to understand a concept and treat a patient. When the last subject was done, and I passed the Preventive Medicine answers, I knew that my future was set. I had a sigh of relief, that there was a 50% chance that I will become licensed to heal. I also knew that, it was my absolute best, with the every power that I could have summoned. I was grateful for the opportunity to learn and serve.

Good morning, beautiful

The anxiety and sadness creeps in, but I choose to face the monsters and fight them through. It’s probably the rain, or my hormones, but the gnawing feeling of not being good enough is here again. Mornings keep me hopeful though, it is a fresh start, another chance to build on the hope that is left. I know that every time I wake up in the morning, it is a chance to create the life that I promised to.

A weekend at home takes me back to the why of my existence. Here, we take care of each other, talk, laugh and make jokes. I am currently having an early grey tea together with some good cottage core instrumental music. The air is still cold but after two weeks, there is no rain. We can now dry our clothes outside and enjoy the sunshine. Amidst the tumultuous emotions that I feel, I take the sunrise as a sign that no matter how yesterday went, there still is today.

I go back to the city later this afternoon since my shift is at 7 AM. It’s quite sad because I don’t go home that often but then again, this is for a bigger purpose. The license to heal is a dream that I have not just for myself, but for the community. I only have to think about today, not the whole staircase, just today. Overall, I am still grateful for the tiny bits of time that I can still carve for family and friends.

I hope you also have a morning filled with hope and the belief that things get better in time.

28 things I am proud of at 28.

I am proud of myself for:

1. Choosing to live.

2. Having the habit of reading.

3. Making time for writing.

4. Being a reliable sister.

5. Being a reliable friend.

6. Being a good listener.

7. Being a leader.

8. Being more disciplined than I was before.

9. Being a good daughter to Papa.

10. Making more healthy decisions.

11. Being a good dog mom and aunt to our four dogs.

12. Being in a healthy relationship.

13. Honoring the work that I do.

14. The integrity that I built.

15. Being a law abiding citizen.

16. Exploring.

17. Facing challenges.

18. Healing.

19. Choosing love.

20. Being responsible.

21. Chasing my dreams.

22. Being creative.

23. Following my bliss.

24. Carving out time for exercise.

25. Finding ways to be better than I was yesterday.

26. Being compassionate

27. Being relentless

28. Being more calm.

I’m writing this because, I’m often too hard on myself. I plan on reading this especially on days when I am filled with much self-doubt. I do have a long way to go and a lot of things to learn and improve on, but for today, only for today, I want to just take some time to appreciate how far I’ve come because I honestly believe that being an advocate for ourselves and giving credit where it is due is a must.

January

On multiple streaming subscriptions

It’s true that the happiness you get in new things only lasts in a blink of an eye. Lately, I find myself getting overwhelmed with having multiple streaming subscriptions (Netflix, Amazon Prime and HBO) and not knowing what I really want to watch. This is probably why I end up falling asleep whenever I open these apps. It seems like the movies are just too much and it feels like my life is not enough to see all the movies and TV shows that I want to.

On simple living

So far, simple living suits me. I ate hospital food that was served yesterday instead of ordering online. I still have trauma from the whole food poisoning thing that occurred last week but healing takes time lol. Mental note: always smell the food. You have an insanely sensitive gut, Kate.

2023 Vision Board

I am also on the process of creating my vision board. It actually takes me quite an amount of time to create my yearly vision board because I take every step into heart. I just love the Everything is Possible planner. It’s actually my third year using it and it just matches with my vibe. I am loving the habit tracker feature. As I wrote a week ago, I’m experimenting on building one habit at a time. So far, my January habit is waking up at five in the morning. It actually feels nice to be able to rise before the whole world runs after you.

On health and physicality

Writing on my 2023 planner made me aware of how much I’ve neglected my health and finances last year. I put working out on the back burner. I haven’t lost weight and I still have frequent migraines. This year I’ll be prioritizing my health. I’ll be getting lab tests, imaging, and bloodwork done. As a future physician, I have to walk the talk and have integrity. It is time to face my fears. So far I have have been carving out time for exercise. I’ve been doing yoga, Nike Training Club and dance fitness workouts. It feels nice to take care of your body. I hope I can continue this streak.

Hospital Rotation

I am currently rotating at the hospital’s Public Health Unit and we had our orientation yesterday. It’s a positive step forward that the hospital has this program since health promotion is a must. So far, I am leaning into this work of bringing health and medicine closer to the community. I just feel like this is the work that matters. Again, as much as I love the other specializations of medicine, I also want to help in giving access to basic health services to those who are in need.

On PLE review

For the Physician Licensure Exam review, I do as much reading and listening to lectures since this is our group’s last month of being a free elf. My current efforts are: answering Pharmacology and Biochemistry flash cards on Ankidroid on my idle time at work and attending Expert MD’s lectures. So far, I am enjoying learning. This is what matters for me. More than my goal of topping the boards, I still want to find the joy in learning information that will help my patients.

——

This is it for the first few days of January, I hope we all have a peaceful and fruitful year ahead.

Waking up before the sun rises

I am experimenting on living a simple life for 2023. It’s kinda ironic because, being a doctor almost doesn’t support that lifestyle but here I am trying to live differently.

This month’s habit that I am practicing is waking up at 5 AM. I don’t want to fool myself in waking up at 4:30 AM so I decided that 5 AM is the magic number. It’s not too early because I can still get 7 hours of sleep, and it’s not too late for me to not be able to do my morning routine.

There’s just something about waking up before the world does that I find peaceful. No dogs are barking. I can hear the birds chirping. I can make and drink my tea in silence. I can write on my blog. I feel so primed and ready to face the coming day. I hope that I can maintain this habit in the whole January.

Amidst all the challenges that will come ahead, I know that the only step that matters is that I live my best life, and and that is one that is filled with peace. As long as I am doing what I love and finding as much balance as I could, I’m good. In 2023 I will wake up before the sun rises. I will choose to spend time listening to nature. I will live simply and love fully. I will keep on keeping on.

2023 is the year I become a licensed medical doctor. This is the year of growing, one habit at a time. It is a year of letting go of what brings you down and focusing on what matters. It is a year of little steps. This is about living a full inner life rather than doing things for the gram.

I wake up before the sun rises.

Read this before dating a medical student.

Medical folk are probably one of the most incompatible professions in relationships. If you are the type who loves being smothered by attention or being around your significant other 90%  of the time, then I guess you have to read this. These people are always busy, and it takes a very mature person to date a medical student. If you are interested in someone who is in the medical field, specifically, a medical student, then read below. 

1. She is most probably Type A. 
      Medical schools have a rigorous application. They will take the National Medical Admission Test (NMAT), undergo a panel interview, and make sure that their background has this long list of achievements in order to be shortlisted for an interview in a medical school. And you know what kind of person does that? A crazy one. Nah, I’m just kidding. But she is probably a bookworm, someone who’s had a lot of achievements, a perfectionist, and a person with high standards for everything that she does. It may make her look crazy to some guys, but to the right person, these qualities will be adorable. Who doesn’t want a woman, who knows what she wants, rolls up her sleeves and does the legwork to slay her goals? You will undoubtedly succeed if you have a woman like this walking beside you.

2. Understand that medicine is her calling. 
      We are dreamers and doers. We dream deep. We want to take good care of our patients in their most vulnerable state. Whatever the reason is for us to enter med school, it is probably a genuine one because we wouldn’t study for almost a decade and not have a reason that will make us stay. You have to bear with this vocation and love this caring and passionate side of her. 

3. She will reschedule and reschedule. 
      This is one of the downsides of dating a medical student. We may try to be present in your life and we will work hard to give any relationship the time it needs, but understand that rescheduling and cancelling dates will happen. This will not be our fault, it’s just that we want to spend the little free time we have to sleep. We just do not have the energy, or our schedules shifted in a whim that’s why this is happening. If you are not mature enough to understand this, then don’t date a medical student. Never ever take her calling against her.

4. She genuinely cares. 
      We may not have the luxury of time but know that when a med student spends time with you, it means you are important. She probably has cases to learn and tons of books to read, but if she chooses to even spend an hour or a few minutes just to see you, it’s because she truly cares and that you are special.

5. If she doesn’t respond to texts, she’s most probably studying.
      Stop that jealousy whatever. If she doesn’t reply she’s either sleeping, studying or watching k-drama. Do we even have time to chat with other people? We can barely manage our lives. lol. We don’t have time for fights and more complications in our lives. Our plate is just too full. 

6. She will often fall asleep when you’re together.
      If you’re watching a movie, she’ll fall asleep. If you’re just sitting on the couch, she’ll fall asleep. Get ready to spend time with a narcoleptic person, just kidding. We’re just exhausted. You are not boring. It’s not you, we’re just sleepy. Please do not take it into against her too. She’s just tired from a 12-hour study session.

7. Medicine comes first, you are second. 
      We know our priorities well. Our calling will always come first. When we become doctors, our patients come first. Don’t even dare date a medical student and expect that they will spend every hour of everyday with you. It’s just not happening. 

8. She needs a supportive partner.
      A superhero job needs a superhero partner. That is the bottom line of it. She chose a demanding life of service and that means you have to be onboard with that. Doing simple errands, driving, and even doing chores would mean the world to her. We often fail at taking care of ourselves, and when someone willingly does this for us, we just appreciate it. When she sees that you are with her in every step and that you would go out of your way to give any kind of support, she will definitely love you.

9. Respect her timeline.

She graduated college, will finish meds school in 5 years, probably do residency, then fellowship and the list goes on. She may or may not choose to have a family because of these demands. If you really love her, you will have to respect her timeline and not take this against her. This is the life she chose, and so you are either onboard or if you’re just gonna cause pain, get out of her life while it’s still early.

10. She will work hard. 

She is a hard worker, not just in her career but also in her relationships with family, friends, and significant other. She understands that anything worth having needs work day in and day out. If you choose to be with a woman like her, you are in it for a ride with a team player, a doer, and a believer.

Antidote to frustration

When the pandemic started I plummeted on a spiral of negativity. I got disappointed, more than I usually am, with almost everyone who’s handling this pandemic. I understand that COVID is a monster virus but I also know that this could have been handled better. More than a year after the first lockdown, and yet, here we are, experiencing a pandemic in a third world country, which could possibly be the worst place for a human being to be in. I was depressed and demotivated to study because the system is just too broken, but luckily, I was able to crawl out of that tunnel. How do we make peace with a shitty situation that is mostly out of our control?

1. Acceptance
      I discovered that the more we resist the situation that we are in, the harder it is to take the steps to solve problems. Accept that in this moment, these are the cards which we have been dealt with. You are in the Philippines, a country that has been colonized by three big countries for hundreds of years. This is where we are and we have to make peace with this fact. Maybe in another life I’m from Canada or Australia, but in this one, you are born in the Philippines. Accept that monsters exist, that the culture of corruption is a staple here in our nation. There are so many starving kids and sick people who are dying due to the poor healthcare system. Accept at the moment, that we live in a very flawed government, that not all leaders take their job “public servant” by heart. Recognize that not everyone has the same heart as you and your environment is pathological. Right now, this is your life situation. 

2. Gratitude
      Even though these are the realities that we must face on a daily basis, I still believe that we have to acknowledge what we have been given. It is unfair to just focus on the negatives. You are lucky that you are alive, especially since COVID lurks around the corner, and yet, here we are, still surviving. If you are reading this, it means that you have the privilege of being able to access gadgets and the internet. Having food on the table, getting an education, having a safe home to live in, and being with your family in these difficult times, are all things that we have to be thankful for. Being grateful doesn’t disregard the numerous flaws which are still present, but don’t we owe it to the Universe to be happy about what we have? For the past five years, keeping a gratitude journal has kept me aligned with what is important. Even though heavy and difficult things arise, I know that the fact that I am still breathing means that there still is a fighting chance for whatever that we are waking up for.

3. Decide that you can do something.
      Maybe you think that I am so naive for even imagining that I can make a difference. But come on, if everyone accepts that mediocrity and injustice is the norm, then aren’t we helping perpetuate these crimes to humanity? I refuse to give up. I refuse to say that this is all there is, that dying people will be the new norm. I know that even if I am just one insignificant human, I can make a difference. Know that you can do that too. We are intelligent species filled with thousands of neurons with connections that has allowed people to fly to the moon and discover the other galaxies in the sky. How come we think that we are so limited? We are not. You are not limited. You can make a difference wherever you are as long as you are brave and aren’t afraid of the legwork that living purposefully entails. Your existence matters. Make a decision that you will stop playing small. 

4. Stay in the moment and offer it the best you that you can give. 
      A lesson that I have learned from Oprah and Eckhart Tolle is to be present. This might seem a little woo-woo to others but, our present moment creates our future. We have to be fully present with the task at hand, the conversations we are in and the relationships in our lives, because when we are, that’s when the magic happens. People feel it when you genuinely care. There are people who will see how authentic you are. So if you are reading a book, give it your full attention. If you are bonding with family, stop using your phone. When you are talking with clients, don’t multitask, focus on them. Even in activities such as doing the laundry or washing dishes, stay present. That’s when you deliver quality work, and when that accumulates, someone will always notice. You owe it to what has been handed to you.

5. Be the role model you wish you had.
      Some people are lucky to be born with parents who are conscious enough in raising children, but most of us I guess didn’t have that. I think we have to take in to consideration that our parents didn’t also know better. I kept on looking for role models as I was growing up, but I found it difficult to find one, so I decided that if I can’t find one, then I’ll be one. I am frustrated with our leaders, so I decide that I will start by leading myself. Try it too. Be the mother, father, sister, best friend, mentor, leader, that you wish you had. Work hard on becoming the best version of yourself. Align your actions with the solutions to your frustrations. Stop waiting for things to change and start with you. Make a difference in the space that you are in and try to expand that culture of authenticity and humanity in the biggest scale that you possibly can, at your own pace. 

6. Be kind.
      We are not perfect. I am guilty of being impatient and cranky especially since I am in the medical field. But I try my best to be as kind as I can be. When I fall off the wagon, I also forgive myself. I learned this lesson the hard way. I used to be the person who cannot forgive slacking off. When there’s a group project in college, I expect all my groupmates to perform at the level that I do, not meeting deadlines is non-negotiable. I get mad at my groupmates who aren’t sending their parts for our lab reports on time, up to the point that I was becoming a very toxic person. I became unkind. It is their  responsiblity after all. But when difficult things happened to me, that’s when I realized that, I don’t have an idea about what is happening to another person. I don’t have a clue about their situation at home, their finances, or if they are eating at all. So I can’t be unkind, because as the quote goes, “Be kind. Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.” I’m not yet as kind as I want to be but everyday, I try my best to be as mindful. 

7. Live a life of service.
     I am not sure when what I want to do has become crystal clear to me. I like leading, managing projects, and learning ever since. I also like seeing that what I do has a contribution to even a single creature. I’m not saying that I am aiming to be Mother Teresa, but seeing others win and do great and humane things for others makes me smile before I sleep. Isn’t that beautiful? When I learned that service and a hunger for learning keeps my soul alive, I knew that I wanted to be or at least try to reach for that MD. Here I am, about to start fourth year, I still have a long way to go but I have come far. Even though there are hard and painful parts, I would still choose this. My service is my offering to the universe. I hope and pray that you reader, are living a life filled with purpose.

8. Create a solution for people’s problems.
     One of my dreams is to create a business that will allow people from my hometown to live comfortably without leaving their families to work abroad. Writing in this blog is not just for creative expression. At the back of my mind, I want to offer clarity to my readers and in a way, help them maneuver challenges in their own lives. My efforts may seem futile, but even if only one person reads an entry, and somehow learns something or thinks differently after reading, then I would be most thrilled. That one person has friends, family or colleagues that they can influence. I want to make more good in this world. That is how I make peace with my disappointments. Find your art or an avenue  for your activism.

9. Educate, don’t hate.
     Since the advent of social media, I noticed that opinions are getting more polarized. Friendships die because of different political beliefs. There are more facebook comments filled with attacks just because of opposing views. Offensive words are like a staple. You just need to look at the comments section and you’ll see so much lack of respect. What if instead of trying to win arguments, we focus on understanding the other party and offer education instead of shaming them? What if we choose respect? We can’t control other people’s thoughts but we can manage how we respond to them. We can engage in a healthy discussion and if the other person attacks, leave. Making a point is never the point. Enlighten instead of winning.

10. Live each day as if it were your last. 
     When I get caught up in the craziness of this world I try my best to remember that today could be my last day. Will I choose to live with anger and negative thoughts? How do you want your last day to be? Draw a picture of your last day on earth. Live that. Focus on what matters. We only have one shot in this life after all. Live fully. 

Dear ladies, please read this before dating.

You are a strong and independent woman. I bet you got a lot of dreams and you’re probably successful or on your way to shake the world. I am so proud of you woman so just keep on slaying. However, maybe in the relationship department, things are not quite falling into place. You’ve probably dated and for some reason, it just doesn’t work out. Maybe you’ve been single since forever, which is totally awesome, but you want to experience being in a conscious and fulfilling relationship. If these scenarios ring a bell, then please read on.

1. First, be honest with yourself.
How do you get the partner of your dreams? Does that entity even exist? Well, I want you to free yourself from all your previous beliefs and be totally honest. Do you want a partner or not? Either way is okay because it’s your life so you do you. Do not get into a relationship because of society’s pressures or worries of getting old and alone in your deathbed. You have to ask yourself if being in a relationship is something that you want. If it’s not yet clear for you, then I highly suggest dating. My favorite life coach, Marie Forleo always says, “Clarity comes from engagement not thought.” Go on dating apps, parties, and events and just test the waters. This will improve your social skills, and the more you get into it, you’ll have more data to analyze. You’ll know what are your likes and dislikes, then you can make an objective decision if being partnered up is for you or not.

2. Work on your own issues.
I hear many girls who want to have a boyfriend who will be a knight in shining armor and save them from distress. They think having “the one” will cure their insecurities. As early as now, please stop this toxic mindset. Take responsibility for your self-esteem. You have to fully love and appreciate yourself because it’s not your partner’s job to make you feel good all the time. Make a list of things you’re insecure about. What brings you down? Lay your emotional baggage and consciously work on them. You can do journalling, workouts, attend seminars or make art. Heal yourself so that you won’t project your issues to your future partner. Remember that your partner will not be your savior, you are your own savior. He’s going to be there to hold your hand while you both face this chaotic world, but he’s under no obligation to do everything and be everything for you.

3. Be willing to openly communicate.
There’s probably a lot of us who are guilty of stonewalling or being passive aggressive whenever conflict arises whether it’s with friends or family. If you are this type of person, I suggest that you get out of your comfort zone and work on your communication skills. Unless your partner’s a mind reader, then you don’t have to do this. But as far as I know, no one can read another person’s mind. Practice the art of open communication to your friends and family, so that when you’re in a relationship, there will be less friction. You can work on challenges with less turbulence because conscious partners will reciprocate what energy you’re putting on the table. Your significant other will feel safe with you when you are willing to be honest and vulnerable to them.

4. Have your own source of fulfillment.
This is very important because if you’re not careful, you might just make your partner the center of your universe. You might depend your happiness in his feelings or the way he treats you. Before diving in a relationship, you need to have something that keeps that fire in your heart burning. Work on your personal and professional goals. Keep on living the best life possible by following your bliss. Your partner is like the frosting on a cake. He is someone who makes the cake taste good, although the cake can be eaten on its own. You have to be happy as an individual so that you won’t fall into the trap of codependency.

5. Know your non-negotiables and core values.
Think about the future for a second. Are there kids? Is religion a big part of your life? Is it okay if your partner drinks or smokes? Is cheating forgivable? Draw crystal clear boundaries because it will prevent major heartbreaks. Do not expect that your partner’s beliefs will change or that you can sway how your partner thinks or behaves just because you’re together. Have a filtering system so that you won’t end up fighting constantly. Remember that this person is a possible spouse, at least for me that’s my purpose when I date, so you need to accept the person’s flaws as well. Lay it on the table early on because even if you love the person so much, if your core values are different, it won’t work or it might, but the relationship will end up draining you.

How about you, do you have any advice that you can share to women who are looking for a significant other? I am very interested in knowing your take on this. I dream of a world where women are helping each other out and being in this together because you are special and you deserve happiness in any form.

Love is

Love is your sister cooking breakfast for you everyday.

Love is your dad checking up on you if you’re okay.

Love is your friend or lover asking you, “How was your day?”

Love is that stranger you saw last night giving a few pennies to the quiet kid near the subway.

Love is the sun shining everyday.

Love is when someone really listens to what you have to say.

Love is saying no even when the other person gets hurt.

Love is simple. Love is.

Love is your friend going with you to the scary doctor’s appointment.

Love is when you’re laughing with your med school friends who are all thinking, “What the fuck are we doing now?”

Love is your parents giving you your weekly allowance.

Love is when your family helps you out.

Love is in that stranger who gave you that scholarship.

Love is in the silence in between long distance friendships, we just know that it’s there.

Love is when your girlfriends call you because of that douche bag.

Love is when someone asks you, “Are you alright? I’m here you can talk to me. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

Love is when someone doesn’t want you to leave.

Love is when someone lets you go because he or she knows that it is best.

Love is when when someone shares their french fries.

Love is when someone gets water for you when you eat out.

Love is in that friend who keeps on cracking jokes.

Love is when your dog jumps in happiness when she sees you.

Love is being okay with the simple and mundane.

Love is in the highs and lows, the blanks and in-between.

Love is in the passion you have for your greatest dream.

Love is when someone waits for you, whatever the reason is.

Love is when someone looks for you, when you’ve suddenly disconnected.

Love is in that person who says: You can do it.

Love is there even when a person dies.

Love is manifested in so many things.

It can be a smile, a hug, or an ocean of tears.

Love that is given is never gone.

Love circumvents, it floats, it’s like air.

You breathe it in and you let it out.

The Minute I Saw You

Was it your crooked teeth or your unruly hair?

Was it how lonely you were and the way you stare?

The minute I saw you, you were dark and brokenhearted.

All I knew was I started feeling gloomy and my gut urged me to help you somehow.

Was it when we talked and sparked a conversation?

Was it when you kissed me in a dark room? I had no clue of your intention.

Was it because I was taken aback by your mystery and all of your frustrations?

Was it when you hugged me one night, I felt safe, out of the norm, overwhelmed with elation?

I don’t know when it all changed, but the minute I saw you it wasn’t there.

You grew on me in a way that I never thought possible.

I became my problem fixer self and saw you as a project, a puzzle I needed to solve, a code I wanted to crack.

But recently I realized you are not meant for me and I am not for you.

You’re a hard person to love, a scattered jigsaw puzzle I’m never going to figure out.

I hate unsolved problems, unanswered questions and vague conversations.

I hate promises unkept, mixed signals, and unclear intentions.

I hate being led on to something that I know won’t last.

The minute I saw you, you were sad and alone.

The minute I reached out to you, you gave in, and suddenly held back.

The minute you stopped and thought about me twice,

That’s the minute I let go of any possibility of us that I once saw in your eyes.